"Okay, let's get our big secret out of the way immediately. Kassie Carlson - she-devil of helium-attack vocals with Guerilla Toss - is both Size Queen and Jane La Onda. Thus, this split LP is nothing more (or less) than a display of two of Kassie's many known musical personalities. And it is a listening experience as haunting as it is haunted, as coolly weird as it is weirdly cool. Size Queen presents a suite of synth-pocked bedroom pop that sounds to me like the dream-state of a young girl whose favorite robot dog has run away. Maybe for good. Gently blabby munchkins try to convince her that everything is gonna be okay, and she kinda swallows it. I thought it was a little weird when the dog started singing what I took - at first - to be a Sonny & Cher cover, but Size Queen didn't seem to notice. Yet, she yearns. Jane's side, which was previously released as a Feeding Tube cassette (FTR 202CS), is cleaner and clearer in it's poppic aspirations. Driving busy synth lines are woven into bright vocals that alternate between robo-talk and gal-chorale. The results are not unlike certain new wave giantesses of ages past, but their shadows are so frightening I cannot recall any of their true names. But even though these lasses shall remain anonymous, the keyboard sound here recalls some very specific antecedents in spots - namely Jeff Lohn's work on Theoretical Girls' 'U.S. Millie' and the anonymous spoot on Snakefinger's cover of Kraftwerk's 'The Model.' It's jumpy, plumpy, and good. Just like Jane. I mean, the Queen. I mean, Kassie... uh..." - Byron Coley, 2014. LP includes download code.